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Thu, Apr. 19th, 2007, 04:48 pm
metao: Rick And Cam Review Everything - 1x01 - The Pilot

We had an article printed in Grok. Here it is in all its (unedited) glory.


WARNING: IF YOU WANT TO BECOME SPONTANEOUSLY PREGNANT, READ THIS ARTICLE


As we have been avid readers of Grok for some time, we have noticed that, towards the back of the magazine, Grok often contains reviews.
However, these are generally only for things like movies and CD's. We assume that this is because there are too many media and journalism students. But it is not good enough! There are many things in this world that need reviewing, and that's something we are going to fix. University students are too busy and uninformed to decide what rocks for themselves. That’s where we come in. If we were a commercial radio station, our slogan would be "all reviews, all the time*".

It is only fair that we begin by reviewing ourselves.


CAM: Suffice to say, I am awesome. I should also point out that Rick is a bastard. A bastard with some semblance of taste, but a bastard nonetheless. You may ask us "Why do you guys know so much about being awesome?". Well I'd say we were born with it. And you guys are LUCKY to be able to benefit from our knowledge. A+++

RICK: I agree. I am a bastard. A sexy bastard (hello ladies!). And while my erstwhile companion is fairly excellent, I would also like to categorically state that he is also filthy. Be that as it may, when our powers combine, they become greater than the sum of their parts. A bit like Captain Planet, really. We kick ass. A++


RICK: Continuing with the trend of bipartisan neutrality, we should next consider our host publication, GROK. Now, I don't know about you, Cameron, but I think that there is some real meat to be digested within these pages. You know, once you skip past all the Guild bollocks and ignore the interviews with local bands no-one has heard of. Besides, it is fun to draw mustaches on the Vice Chancellor. A

CAM: I enjoyed the halcyon days of university. I would sit and read GROK, engage in lively debates, play Connect 4, have some nice meals, juggle, draw and do origami. And that was just in the lectures. I like to think that GROK helped me understand how to best spend my lecture time. GROK sets the tone for in class distraction and entertainment. And now we help set that tone. B


CAM: Superman is stupid. Actually, no, Superman is really stupid. He can run super fast, shoot lasers out of his eyes, fly, see through walls, blow with the force of a hurricane and he is essentially indestructable. Unfortunately he doesn't have a personality or a brain. There are never really any hardships for him to overcome, so no-one can relate to the character. His only weakness, a kind of rare green alien rock that renders him the equal of a weak dizzy human, is so amazingly abundant that every two-bit wannabe criminal mastermind can get their hands on it. How come Superman doesn't spend some of his time gathering up this stuff and destroying it? Because he is stupid! Of course if Superman got his act together and destroyed all of the Kryptonite on planet earth then the stories would become even MORE boring. His symbol is awesome though, which boosted his score some. F+

RICK: Superman may be misguided in his application of power, but let us face facts: his powers are basically awesome. I do also love the logo. The "S" is cool - it represents an incredible potential for power, held in check by humanity. Plus, as the title character pointed out in Kill Bill, he is the only one who has a “secret identity” that is in fact the alter-ego**. Everyone else plays at being super; Superman plays at being human. He also gets bonus points for the hot bitches on Smallville. B+


RICK: I would now like to aim our penetrating gaze at work. Not those bullshit jobs you have at uni. The kind you have to get out of bed before 8am for. What the fuck is with that? Work sucks. On the one hand, you have workmates, who are awesome, and money to play with, which is nice. But you spend half of your weekdays at work, traveling to and form work, preparing for work, and collapsing deliriously on the couch after work. Assuming you get a reasonable amount of sleep, that only leaves about 4 hours to cook and eat a meal, and relax. Then you spend your weekend in a coma from blitzing Friday and Saturday nights. That, my friends, is bullshit. Stay at uni. D-

CAM: Work, in pure physics terms, is defined as Force multiplied by displacement caused by that force. Work, in a labor sense, is defined as something unenjoyable that you do for money. Physics is awesome, labor is not. In his Soul of Man Under Socialism essay, Oscar Wilde noted that we need robot slaves in order for the world to exist as a utopia. Someone has to work, so I say ‘why not the Transformers?’ D



* Except for this bit at the top
** Ignoring, say, the Martian Manhunter.

Fri, Apr. 20th, 2007 05:25 pm (UTC)
metao

Im sure the editor fixed it.


The OCD part of me wants to know where.

Sat, Apr. 21st, 2007 10:40 am (UTC)
hotels_inthesea

i'll never tell!